When Should You Start Being Vulnerable?

Hey amorteurs,

In an attempt to increase engagement, we are launching an experiment:

Question of the day.

It's pretty much what it sounds. Reply with your controversial opinion. Don't worry, I can take it >:)

What's your favorite newsletter? (Besides this one, of course).

I'll go first: I'm a huge fan of Kieran Drew's A-B-C (which you can find here).

This issue is for those who want to be a bit more vulnerable online and how I tackled this problem.

Let's get started.

Afraid to Put Yourself Out There

I always feared social media.

To this day, I have friends and coworkers telling me I should get on Instagram. I should get a Snapchat. When BeReal launched, people told me to join that, too (I was tempted).

But I didn't. A long time ago, I launched an Instagram and started recording videos of myself explaining ideas. 

A week later, I deleted the account out of cringe and embarrassment.

Now, 3 years later, I run an unabashed Twitter account shouting my ideas from the rooftops to a follow count the size of your mother's Facebook friend list.

I went from being afraid to putting myself out there. I have no problem telling it how I think it should be.

I've thought about how I've become more vulnerable. I can tell you what doesn't work, though:

Waiting for the "Right" Time

Most people wait for the "right" time to create and put themselves out there.

Why? Imposter syndrome, fear of being judged, etc.

The idea is, with enough time, we'll be in a better position to become vulnerable.

We'll be "ready" to become vulnerable.

We'll be more an expert than we are today. We'll deserve a spot at the table.

I used to believe in this, too (I still believe in this when it comes to launching my copywriting offer).

But there's a glaring problem:

Forever Waiting, Never Starting

As with most things in life, vulnerability is a paradox.

There will never be a "perfect" time.

Even if everything lined up seemingly perfectly, Life with a capital "L" will find a way to get in the way.

This results in never starting. The right time will never arrive. Waiting will always be more convenient.

The paradox is you become more vulnerable by sharing more.

• You become more of an authority by teaching more.

• You become more skilled by practicing more.

• You become more successful by failing more.

And this applies to vulnerability.

True comfort and confidence in vulnerability come in the iterations.

You have to practice vulnerability to become better at it.

I've noticed this for myself. The more I wrote in a vacuum, the more comfortable I became about writing in public.

The more I wrote about public matters on social media, the more comfortable I became with writing about private matters.

The more comfortable I became writing about private matters, the more comfortable I became at writing about the deepest and darkest vulnerable moments.

But...

It's still hard to even start.

I've tackled this. Here's my method:

Easing In: The Gentle Approach to Vulnerability

Here's the approach: you ease in.

No need to go cold turkey and dive in the pool head first.

• Start writing on a private blog.

• Choose a platform where you can be anonymous.

• Downscale your creative practice from one post a month/week, then gradually scale with time.

I started by writing on a private Ghost blog with my girlfriend as my only reader. I wrote an article a day for a month in quarantine.

Then, I started on Twitter. I chose Twitter because nobody I knew used Twitter, and they wouldn't be able to find me.

Then I switched to an anonymous brand as I grew (a personal branding choice).

Even now, my family doesn't know I write on Twitter, or online at all for that matter.

But daily, as I stick it out in this game and learn confidence/skills, I'm writing more and more vulnerably.

A crucial piece of the puzzle: you don't need to be vulnerable to everyone. You don't want to be.

I'm vulnerable online with greater capacity to a select few friends and an audience that believes in me.

And that's made all the difference.

Start small and easy. Scale with time.

Vulnerability will find you, and creating will be your catharsis.

Summary: Ease into putting yourself out there, one private platform, one small story at a time. 

See you soon, internauts!

Thanks for taking the time to engage with my vulnerability :)

If you enjoyed this piece:

1. Answer this email's question of the day: What's your favorite newsletter? (Besides this one, of course).

2. Share this email with a friend :) and tag me because it'll encourage me to be more vulnerable, and we can share that energy (more than enough seats at the table for everyone! :D)